Moon, Star and Sorrow
by sunokasai
Summary: They have been together for three years by now. They shared ups and downs. But what if you suddenly became aware of the fact that these times are ending? For Ayase Eri this thought is terrifying. Still, she can't bring herself to share these feelings with the one she loves. The more she is trying to be close to her, the more prominent becomes the fear and the sorrow she feels.
1. Sorrowful beginning

**Author's Note:**

 **Hello and welcome to my first LL-fanfiction and the first fanfiction I ever published (all the others are somewhere buried in the depths of my computer).**

 **Although I enjoy most of the pairings the LL-fandom has to offer I'm kind of addicted to Nozomi and Eri. They share something... Their relationship is just something special.**

 **Therefore I always wondered: Why is it that Eri's solo "Arifureta Kanashimi No Hate" is such a sad song? And when I rewatched season two of LL this just popped in my mind.**

 **I hope you enjoy this ride we are going to take together.**

* * *

The 25th of December always had been a special day in the Ayase family. Since part of her family had been Japanese, they celebrated Christmas on that day as well, not just on the 6th of January like the Russian part of her family did. The Ayases wanted their daughters to grow up in both cultures, not just one. That intention was one of the reasons why Eri and Arisa were allowed to live in Japan and visiting Otonokizaka. It wasn't just an alma mater. It was an opportunity as well.

An opportunity that changed her life. In Otonokizaka she met people she would have never thought could be her friends. Not because they were bad people. But because their personalities didn't match at all. Eri had been strict, sticking with the rules, antisocial and somewhat awkward. People had tried to approach her, but she would always turn them down. And after a couple of days they would give up.

Then there was this one girl. Eri still didn't know how she managed it, but she somehow broke the shell Eri had been building up. She was patient, she didn't back down. Eri smiled at the memory. Back then she wouldn't have dared to call this girl her best friend. If she was honest, she even thought of this girl to be annoying and a bother. But at the same time, she gradually pushed her away less. And at some point, she stopped entirely.

It wasn't her surroundings that became accustomed to her, it was her becoming accustomed to her surroundings. And she wouldn't had been able to do so alone. It felt naturally to be with her friends, because she could be naturally. She could be herself.

But old habits die hard, and so Eri found herself being thrown back in time, being the cute and clever Erichika that her family knew so well. Or so they thought. Being the loner, the thinker, the one keeping a distance. No one expected anything else from here and she didn't do anything else either. She accepted it. Not because she wanted to, but because she had to.

Even if she didn't want to admit it, it was difficult for Eri to be the same person she was for her friends for her family. It was only Arisa who knew and who she behaved to like she did in Japan. No one else gave her the opportunity. Bu in Eri's opinion, that was alright.

Because no one had the quality to give her this opportunity except for-

"Erichika, mind giving me some of the bread?" Eri was snapped out of her thoughts when her father called her.

He was a tall man in his mid-forties with a handsome face. Sometimes Eri thought that it was naturally that her mother had been falling for him. Wearing a black suit the most recognisable feature of him was pronounced even more: his blond hair.

People always thought that Eri and her sister inherited their hair colour by her mother, because blond hair was pretty rare among Japanese. So they assumed it was trait of the Russian part of her family.

Her mother gave them the blue eyes, though. With her father's being brown, Eri's and Arisa's were a shade darker than her mother's but still remained fairly bright.

"Of course." Eri took the basket with the bread and gave it to her father who sat opposite her, her mother to his right. They looked good together, Eri thought. With a small smile her mother took the basket out of her father's hands and all Eri could think of was how happy they were.

Of course, it was Christmas. Evening of the 25th to be more precise. Her whole family had gathered in her grandmother's fairly big house to celebrate and now sat along three tables, eating. Later they would retire to whatever they wanted to do. And in the morning they would gather and open up the presents.

Arise, who sat to Eri's left, noticed the longing gaze her older sister had when she watched her parents interacting. She nudged Eri under the table and gave her a small smile which was returned almost immediately. But Arise didn't miss that her sister's smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

* * *

Eri went back to the room she shared with Arisa and laid down on her bed, face first. Her little sister had followed her and quietly closed the door.

"It seems like you don't enjoy the evening, Onee-chan." Arisa laid down beside Eri.

Slowly turning around and facing her little sister, Eri saw the worry in the girl's eyes. "It's not that I am not happy to be with my family…"

"…But something, or rather someone is missing, am I right?"

Covering her face with her hand Eri sighed. "Maybe."

Arisa giggled. "Maybe? Onee-chan sure doesn't want anybody to know. Or is it that she does not know it herself?"

"I swear, a certain shrine maiden is a really bad influence."

"So you're not going to invite her over anymore because you are concerned about your little sister?"

"Arisa! You know I would never do that."

"I may know more than you do, Onee-chan…"

"What do you mean?" Eri looked at her sister confused.

Shrugging, Arisa stood up and walked to the door. "I'm with mom, helping her in the kitchen." She left.

Now alone, Eri made her way towards the window. It was dark, the stars perfectly visible, meaning it would be a really cold night.

Seeing the night sky, Eri became sad once more. "We don't even look at the same sky tonight… me being in Russia, she in Japan…" She sighed once more.

She knew that Arisa just wanted to help, making her feel better. But when she asked if Eri didn't even know herself she was reminded on what bothered her tonight.

Of course she knew. She knew exactly what was wrong, what was missing. It was Christmas after all. The time of the year where you were supposed to be with your loved ones, laughing, smiling. But she couldn't because not all of them were with her. Of course she had her family. And she loved her family. But it wasn't the same kind of love Eri felt for that certain someone.

She had asked her if she wanted to come along. But she had told Eri that it was fine, that her parents would visit and that she wouldn't be lonely. She had smiled at Eri. That kind of smile that Eri had come to know so well. That kind of smile that betrayed her actions, telling Eri that she wasn't honest. And it had hurt Eri to see that the one she loved was hurting as well. All she wanted was to make her happy, to make her smile genuinely.

Eri closed her eyes. "You idiot… you were lying back then, weren't you…. Nozomi?"

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **If you would like to ask me some questions, be it about this story or not, feel free to visit me on tumblr (link should be displayed in my profile). I'd be happy to hear from you and I hope you enjoyed the first part.**

 **Assignment:  
Looking for a beta-reader since english is not my mother tongue and I would like to avoid too many mistakes. If you would like to helo me improve, I would be glad to get a message from you. **

**Thank you for reading the first chapter.**

 **See you next time.**


	2. Sorrowful memory

It had been the day after their victory in the Love Live! preliminaries. Eri and Nozomi had been sitting in the purple headed girl's living room, quietly enjoying the evening and each other's presence, drinking tea all along. To Eri's surprise Nozomi had called her herself, something uncharacteristic for the quite shrine maiden that she usually was. Without a second thought, Eri had agreed to come over. After all she had wanted to tell her best friend about her plans during Christmas.

"Erichi?"

Nozomi had been the first to break the silence. Without looking at Eri, she had held her cup in her hands with a strong grip as if her life depended on it. The blonde had been getting confused and worried at the same time, thinking about what could possibly happen that made Nozomi that nervous. So she had hummed a "Hm?", making sure that Nozomi knew she had her full attention.

"Do you have plans for Christmas?" Nozomi had asked quietly.

This single question had managed to make Eri feel utterly guilty. The moment Nozomi had asked her she knew what the other girl wanted to ask her in an instant if Eri's answer would be "No.". And as much as Eri had wished for her answer to be exactly that, she couldn't.

Meanwhile, Nozomi had stopped looking at her tea, redirecting her gaze to Eri. She had had this hopeful spark in her eyes and Eri had mistaken herself for a mind reader, because she was sure that Nozomi was pleading for her to say this one word in her mind. One word that would have had the power to make the both of them happy, while the opposite sure would hurt them both. A pain Eri was already feeling, knowing she had to destroy this hope her best friend, the girl she had fallen in love with, had at this moment.

"Nozomi…. I'm sorry. Arisa and I are supposed to fly back to Russia to spend the holidays with our family."

The moment she had uttered the words, Eri could have sworn she saw the moment Nozomi's eyes had become somewhat dull. But the girl had faked a smile nonetheless.

"That sure sound's nice. I bet you're going to have a lot of fun, Erichi."

 _Not as much fun as I would have being with you…_ She had wanted to say these words, but Eri couldn't. She hadn't been sure if they would ease the pain Nozomi sure had been feeling or if they would just hurt her more.

Before Eri could say anything else, Nozomi had added "When are you departing?"

"In two days. I wanted to tell you today." Eri had been sipping on her tea. She hadn't felt like drinking anything anymore. But she hadn't wanted to just sit there either. But suddenly, an Idea had popped into her head and she desperately had begged to any god existing for Nozomi to say "Yes" to what she had been about to say. "Actually I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come along." Eri had been sure that her family wouldn't mind.

Nozomi's eyes had snapped up in an instant, looking straight into Eri's as if she had searched for any sign of the quarter Russian to be joking. There had been a faint glow in her own eyes that Eri had recognized right away.

"Actually…" The purple headed girl had started and Eri had known immediately where this was going when the light in Nozomi's eyes had faded again. "I asked because I wanted to go out, visiting Akiba during Christmas. Since my parents may be coming we wouldn't have been able to spend a lot time together…"

"Your parents?" Eri hadn't believed her. The way her best friend had smiled betrayed her, telling Eri that she had lied. But Eri had decided not to pursue it any further. If Nozomi wanted it that way, Eri wouldn't say anything against it.

* * *

"Why did you decline?"

Remembering this evening a few days ago, Eri sighed. She still sat beneath the window and observed the night sky. Being apart from Nozomi for more than just a day felt strange. Since they became friends the two of them would always be together. When Eri got to know that Nozomi lived alone she would make sure to visit her every day or to ask her out for a walk so that the spiritual girl would feel less lonely. And despite that, here she was. Thousand miles away, at a time where you didn't want to be alone. Just thinking about Nozomi who was probably in her bedroom, either crying or hugging a pillow, being lonely, hurt Eri more than any physical wound could.

And it felt foreboding. They were graduating soon. They never talked about what they were going to do afterwards, which college they would attend. Eri didn't want to have the confirmation that they would have to part probably. She couldn't stand the thought. That was why she never started this conversation to begin with. But they had to talk about it soon.

If she wouldn't have fallen in love with her best friend, she wouldn't have to be like this. But she had, and even if she didn't regret she did, Eri wished for this heart-breaking pain and uncertainty to vanish. But the one thing that could ease this pain was the whole reason for it. It was pretty ironic, Eri thought.

As she watched the stars she took one notepad that was barely in reach and a pen. She started to write down words that came to her mind, hoping that sharing everything with this piece of paper would help her forget.

And it did. When her mind became clear again, Eri decided something. She stood up and walked through the house, ignoring everyone who called her. She had a destination, literally. Even if it was stupid, hell it was stupid, even if it crazy, Eri was sure she would do it.

When she stood in front of the kitchen, she breathed in sharply. Her grandmother wouldn't like what she wanted to ask. Eri hoped that her mother would understand. If not, she hoped that Arisa helped her to convince them. Her little sister sure would support her. And if nothing worked… well, she would do it anyway. There always was a possibility.

She opened the door, startling her mother, Arisa and grandmother in the process. "Mom, I want to ask you a favour."

Her mother looked surprised but nodded anyway, signalling her daughter to continue.

"I know it might sound selfish… But I want to fly back to Japan as soon as possible. To be honest, I would like to depart right now, but… well…"

"Erichika, what-" Her grandmother was about to start but was cut off by a slight move from her mother's hand.

"I believe there is a good reason for you to ask that?"

Eri gazed from her mother to her sister. Arisa was smiling brightly, reassuring her with a nod to continue. Returning the smile she looked back to her mother, her eyes clear and determined. "Of course there is. You see…"

She started to explain the situation, careful not to drop any hints about how she really felt about Nozomi. She would tell her family someday. But today was not the day. When she finished, she stood straight before bowing down. "Please…. I even pay for the ticket myself if you are not willing to. I just-"

"It's ok." Looking back up, Eri found her mother smiling. A knowing smile. "Being alone is always hard, but during Christmas…" Her mother turned around to speak with her grandmother. "I'm sure you don't mind, hearing this?"

"Actually… I am upset. But I guess it would be quite cold hearted of me to forbid it."

With that, Eri's mother turned to Arisa. "Arisa, would you mind looking up when-"

"Done!" The youngest of them held up her phone that showed the next possible flight back to Tokyo. She was beaming at Eri and Eri couldn't have been more proud as she was right now. "You have about three and an half hour to pack some of your things and reach the airport."

"Shouldn't be a problem. I'll drive you myself." Her mother announced, already leaving the kitchen. "And be sure to check up your things a couple of times. We don't want you to forget something important." She winked at her and Eri knew that her mother was aware all along.

But then again, Eri didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

It was already dark outside. It was half past eleven to be more precise, thanks to the different time zones. Eri had arrived in Tokyo just a couple of minutes ago. Despite traveling more than 15 hours she ran to the next bus stop. And once she reached her destination she ran again. This time right towards the apartment where the person lived in she did all this for. The only thought occupying her mind was the wish that Nozomi really was alone. As strange as it sounded, and Eri knew it sounded really strange, a scenario where she stood in front of Nozomi, her worries nothing than just her mind being hopeless again, was just too embarrassing.

When she stood in front of the door to the shrine maidens' apartment she took a few seconds to catch her breath and to look for the one item she had checked five times on before she left her grandmother's home. With everything ready, she knocked.

She heard a faint "Coming" from behind the door. Her heart started to pound in her chest and Eri wasn't sure if she could handle both, the exhaustion and the excitement of hearing Nozomi making her way towards the door.

When the handle turned down Eri could have sworn that her heart stopped for a couple of seconds. But the face that greeted her restarted it in a second. And Eri couldn't stop the smile that was forming.

In front of her, dressed in some casual clothes that looked kind of wrinkled, stood Nozomi, eyes wide in shock. She looked like she just saw a ghost, her mouth slightly agape as if she wanted to say something but couldn't think of anything appropriate.

"Nozomi…?" Eri slowly started and took a step towards her friend. "It's still the 26th, isn't it? So…" She took out the small present she had hid behind her back and held it out. It was wrapped in purple paper with a light blue ribbon on top. Eri thought it was just perfect. "Merry Christmas, Nozomi."

Nozomi looked at the gift and then back at Eri who was smiling, cheeks red not just from the cold or her run. Her lips started to tremble a little and her eyes became watery as the purple headed girl let go of the door handle and threw herself at her blonde friend.

"Erichi…"

When Nozomi started to cry into her shoulder, Eri just hold her and smiled. It was the perfect surprise.

In that moment, she totally forgot the note she had written during her flight, the thoughts that had haunted her on her way back to where she wanted to be.

On a tiny piece of paper were the first lines of a song that had played in her head since she had watched the night sky in Russia. The result of all the fears she had needed to spill out beneath the window.

 _I'm sure that I would've been better of ignorant_

 _Holding such pain in my chest,_

 _I smiled each day, not saying a word about it_

 _And told myself to forget._

* * *

 **AN: Wow... I wouldn't have thought this story would have 8 followers with just the first chapter. I am really grateful and I hope I didn't disappoint you with chapter 2. Thanks for following, thanks for adding this to your favorites.**

 **As you can see, the song is not finished yet. We are not even halfway through. There will be worse days to come...**

 **As for the ending for this chapter: It may feel forced, but I felt this was the perfect situation to describe how much Eri cares for Nozomi and her happiness, to what she would be able to do and be willing to do, how much she loves Nozomi.  
**

 **If you have more questions feel free to ask me on tumblr ( .com). I will gladly answer you.**

 **Also, I'm still looking for someone who would be my beta (pls *puppy eyes*). '^^**

 **Until we meet again.**

 **Thank you.**


	3. Sorrowful break

"You're crazy, Erichi..." Nozomi hummed. She still leaned against Eri, her head rested on the blondes shoulder and her hands grabbing the hem of her jacket.

After what felt like hours they had finally entered Nozomi's apartment, but the purple headed girl had grabbed Eri almost immediately again. Now Eri leaned against the door while drawing little circles on Nozomi's back. Her best friend wasn't crying anymore, but it was still way to comfortable. So she enjoyed this moment with her eyes closed.

"I may be. But you're just as crazy as I am."

"What do you mean?"

"You were lying, weren't you? About your parents, I mean." Eri tilted her head slightly so she could look at Nozomi properly. "You wanted to spent the holidays with me but thought you would be a bother to me and my family, so you declined my offer, didn't you?"

Nozomi giggled. "You always say that you can't read me, but Erichi can read my like an open book it seems." The playful tone in her voice vanished when she continued. "I didn't lie. Well... Not completely, at least. My parents wanted to come. They promised when they called two weeks ago. But the morning I asked you over they called again, apologizing that they couldn't make it because of the company. I didn't listen..."

"...Nozomi." Seeing how tears started to fill the corners of her eyes again, Eri used her right hand to caress Nozomi's cheek in a comforting manner.

"I didn't want you to neglect your family just because I came along. Besides... I would have felt out of place. I wouldn't have understood a single word I bet."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Eri hugged her tighter. "You wouldn't have been a bother. You know my parents love you. They would have teamed up with you, teasing me the whole time."

They stood like that a while longer. But Eri started to feel the fatigue in her whole body. She didn't sleep at all and the quick naps in the plain couldn't be considered relaxing. Eventually Nozomi noticed before Eri could say anything. She started to untie the scarf the blonde wore.

"Nozomi?"

"You're tired, aren't you? I don't want you to collapse in the middle of my hallway." She said gently.

I didn't take long and Eri lay in Nozomi's bed, asleep. Brushing strands of blond hair out of her friends face, Nozimi smiled to herself.

She still couldn't believe what Eri did for her. Just thinking about it brought back the tears. She fought them away and took the small box Eri had given her as a Christmas present. She sad down beside her, taking one last look at the quarter Russian before opening it.

She was greeted with a silver necklace. Nozomi looked at it wide eyed. It wasn't the first time Eri had given her self-made jewellery. There was the ring she got on her birthday in their first year together, for example. But nothing was able to compare with what she just received.

The necklace had the general form of a star. But inside it, there was a whole in the shape of a crescent. Nozomi's finger touched it gently as if afraid she would break it otherwise.

Nozomi had told Eri just once a long time ago. Two years to be more specific. While she had been playing with her tarot cards, Eri had asked her about their general meanings. So Nozomi had explained them, leaving two cards out until the end: the star and the moon. After explaining them as well, Nozomi had turned to Eri.

"You know... I always associated you with the star, Erichi. You always work hard towards a goal and you're always accomplishing it. And you helped me feeling less lonely, helping me to overcome the shadows of my past a bit. While I... I am the moon. I always wanted to be a normal school girl. I wanted to have friends to go out with and all those things. But I didn't want to be selfish, so I hadn't told my parents how I feel."

At that time, Eri had been speechless. And to be honest, Nozomi had thought that Eri had forgot about it. But staring at the necklace she knew Eri hadn't.

"Moon and Star... together." She mumbled. Nozomi bent down to give Eri a quick kiss on the cheek before closing the box. She rested it on her table before she snuggled under the covers of her bed, too.

She looked at Eri who's face was peaceful. She could hear the rhythmic breaths the blonde was taking and it took Nozomi all of her willpower not to cuddle with her. She wanted to, but it was a line she wouldn't dare to cross. They were friends, after all. Even though she wanted to be more, she doubt that they could ever be more. She wasn't even sure if Eri felt the same. She never showed any signs and they never talked about such things.

"I love you, Erichi..."

With that, Nozomi fell asleep as well.

* * *

"...chi."

Eri felt something poking her left cheek and a faint sound that faded the instant she heard it. Her senses became more and more focused with every passing second.

"Mou, Erichi! Wake up."

Finally being able to make out who was calling her, a faint smile appeared on Eri's face. "Just a couple more minutes, Nozomi."

"It's already 3 pm, Erichi. Come on, don't sleep all day. It makes me sad knowing you're somehow with me but at the same time you're not."

Eri could hear Nozomi pouting just by the way her voice had changed slightly. It always surprised her how sensitive she had become about these changes and signs. It had always been Nozomi who was able to read her at every given hour. But as time passed, along with her feelings becoming more prominent, Eri found herself seeing everything. The slightly different glow in Nozomi's eyes, the way she smiled, the way her voice could betray her. It was strange but at the same time exciting.

"I'll always be with you, Nozomi." Before she could think about what she just had said the words were out of her mouth. Eri's eyes shot open and she looked at the girl sitting beside her. Nozomi smiled and hold her neck.

"I know. I think you've made that very clear with the necklace you've made." Nozomi let her hand slide down to reveal the star-shaped pendant with the moon in it. "Thank you."

Eri might had to reconsider what she just thought about being able to read Nozomi. Because she couldn't pinpoint the look in the purple haired girl's eyes right now. They seemed to be filled with happiness, but there was this faint shimmer of longing and... pain? But it vanished in the blink of an eye.

"Now, if you don't get out of the bed yourself. I'll have to tickle you out of it." With a devious smirk Nozomi roamed over Eri, her hands positioned as if she was about to do her usual punishment. When Eri thought about it, she couldn't remember a time where Nozomi had user her wahsi washi on her. Not even once.

"Nozomi?"

The called girl stopped dead in her tracks.

"I just thought about it... why didn't you punish me like the others even once?" Realising how wrong it sounded, Eri felt her cheeks heating up.

Nozomi just giggled and retreated. "Because just thinking about it makes you this flustered. If I would use my washi washi on you, you would drop down dead because of it." She teased. "But I want to have Erichi around me for as long as possible." With that, the purple headed girl tackled Eri on the bed and they started a little tickle war which Nozomi won rather easily.

When Nozomi sat up again, she dragged Eri up with her by her hands. After finally getting out of bed, Eri put on a change of clothes she had with her and went to the living area.

The first thing she noticed now that she was fully awake and in a lit room was the lack of decoration. There was no little tree out of plastic decorated with tiny little ornaments. There were no candles. There was nothing. Eri knew that Nozomi owned such things. She had seen them last year. But Nozomi hadn't even bothered to put them out. Her parents hadn't been coming and Er had been across the world. So why should she decorate her home? Just to be remembered that she was alone on Christmas?

Eri felt her heart sinking. She knew it wasn't her fault, but it still hurt realizing it. Nozomi stood behind the counter, making some tea for the both of them. Eri walked up behind her and hugged her. She could feel Nozomi freezing up at the sudden contact but relaxing once she realized what happened.

"Erichi? What are you doing?"

"Just making sure you're happy." Eri released Nozomi but wished she could stay like this with her friend. But she couldn't. They were friends after all.

"I am really happy now. Don't worry."

Smiling to herself, Eri took the cup of tea Nozomi gave to her and walked over to the little table. Nozomi sat down facing her and the both of them enjoyed the moment. It felt just like a couple of days ago when Eri had told her about her visiting her family during holidays. Except this time, no one was going to ruin the mood.

"Erichi?"

Or so Eri would like to think. She cursed inwardly, hoping that fate wouldn't be as cruel to her as she was afraid it would. "Yeah?"

"Can you stay a little longer? Like... tomorrow, too?"

Smiling and the spiritual girl Eri nodded. "And the day after, too. If you want me to, of course. We have to catch up Christmas after all. But..." She could see Nozomi stopping dead in her tracks, her cup placed awkwardly right under her chin. She looked adorable. "But we have to go to my place today. If I am staying I need some more change of clothes."

Now smiling brightly, Nozomi nodded before she seemed to remember something. "Erichi?"

This time, Eri was sure it wouldn't be something bad and smiled, signalling Nozomi to continue.

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Anything you want."

"Our shrine is going to really busy during New Years Eve. There are going to be a lot of visitors and we will have to do our daily routine as well as dealing with all those people. We could need some help. Would you volunteer? Please."

Nozomi looked at Eri with a cute little pout and puppy eyes. It was impossible for Eri to say no. Instead she had to gulp down the lump in her throat upon seeing the face Nozomi was making. It was just too cute and too much for her heart to handle.

"Sure. I'll gladly help out."

"Awesome. Now I'm going to see Erichi in the dress of a shrine maiden. Erichi will look beautiful in it." Nozomi giggled. But she really was looking forward on seeing Eri wearing that outfit. She always thought that the quarter Russian would look perfect in it with her blue eyes, her blonde hair and the flustered look on her face Nozomi would make sure to be as prominent on her features as it was right now.

Eri drank her tea in one rush after that, hoping to stop her cheeks from heating up. When she looked back to Nozomi and saw the teasing grin on her face she knew her effort would be in vain. "N-Now drink up. I want to be back before it is dark outside."

"Sure." Taking one last sip, Nozomu stood up to change into something warmer. She couldn't wait to be back, but at the same time wished that the next days wouldn't end. Never.

* * *

 **AN:**

 **I thought they could use a break. '^^**

 **I also had to build up the next chapters. You know, the more fluff there were, the more it is going to hurt later on (what the hell is wrong with me?).**

 **I hope you enjoyed the third chapter.**

 **And I still can't believe the good resonance I've got. Even a few of my favorite writers. *dances around happily* You have no idea how much that means to be. Thank you. Thank you a lot.**

 **Until next time.**


	4. Sorrowful New Year

**AN: See end of chapter for some answers regarding your reviews**

* * *

"Do I really have to wear this?" Eri looked at the shrine maiden outfit Nozomi had given her. She sighed and looked at Nico who frowned upon seeing the clothes in front of her.

"I'm with Eri. You never said I had to wear those when you asked for help." Her gaze wandered to Nozomi.

The purple headed girl stood in front of them. She looked like she was thinking really hard about something, her left index finger pointing at her chin in the process. "I didn't? I could have sworn I did."

"No, you didn't, cheater." With the frown becoming more and more prominent on her face, Nico grabbed the outfit and vanished behind a door to change. "I can't believe the others will see me like this. Everything that happens from now on is going to be your fault, Nozomi."

"Sure, sure." Said girl just giggled. "I don't know what she's afraid of. She will look cute in these clothes and our friends surely won't laugh."

While Nico and Nozomi kept on discussing, Eri couldn't help but smile. Ever since the evening where they wrote 'Snow Halation' together, Nozomi had become more and more open towards the members of Muse. Hearing her calling them friends so casually wasn't something minor in regards of the quiet shrine maiden. In fact she never named them as such even once before because the fact of having actual friends, eight of them in total, was entirely new to Nozomi. Knowing this, Eri was happy and somehow proud.

"Erichi?"

Eri was cut of of her thoughts when Nozomi called her.

"You're going to change, too? Or does Erichi not want to help any more?" Nozomi pouted.

"No. I was just thinking. I still don't know how you managed to get Nico to help you." It wasn't entirely the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. Eri really had no idea.

"When I told her we're going to need help and that it would mean a lot to me since the shrine is very important to me, Nicochi kind of yelled at me that she would help. And even though she said she isn't doing it for me... I know she actually is."

"Well, she's not the only one." With a wink Eri took the clothes and left to change. She could hear Nozomi saying that she would be outside to prepare some stuff the shrine would need later.

It took some time to get finished since Eri wasn't used to wear a traditional shrine maiden outfit. The most difficult part was the ponytail. Usually tying her hair rather high she struggled with this one but eventually got it done.

When she walked outside, Nico and Nozomi were already working. Nozomi pointed at a box with wood panels and asked Eri to bring them to where the visitors were able to hang up their wishes. The area was free at the moment. No one was praying, leaving the shrine in comfortable silence.

Eri took the plates and placed them neatly beside the wall. When she was done she took a look at some of the plates that were already in place. She smiled. There were some addressed to Muse, wishing them good luck with the upcoming Love Live or just thanking them for their hard work.

For Eri, it was still unbelievable that they managed to defeat A-Rise. They were allowed to continue their adventure as the nine of them, smiling and struggling on the way. But all of them were aware that the Love Live would be their last performance together. When Nico, Nozomi and Eri had talked about it, they agreed to ask their juniors not to mention about it until the competition was over.

But to Eri, graduation was not just the shadow lingering above Muse. Reading a plate where someone wished for his partner to be with him at this time of the year, she was remembered of an other situation she found herself in. Being together with Nozomi the last couple of days had made her forget about it. After all, she was just too happy to be with her best friend she fell in love with. But with the new year, the final countdown would start soon. And with that, the pain would grow day by day.

Sighing, Eri pushed these thoughts aside. She was supposed to be working. So she would work until all these negative feeling would fade. Even if it was just for today.

* * *

With the crowd in front of the shrine Nico, Nozomi and Eri retreated into the backyard, gathering tools and other supplies to put them back into the storage room. They were certain that the other members of Muse would find them and Nozomi was looking forward to it. Ever since Nico had complained about the outfit, Nozomi had teased her by pointing out several scenarios the girls could react. Eri just watched them with a smile.

"Ah, there she is. Nozomi-chan!"

Nozomi turned around, recognizing Honoka's excited voice and smiled upon seeing the six of them running towards her.

"Happy New Year!" Their leader greeted with a huge smile.

"You seem to be busy." Seeing the box Nozomi was carrying, Kotori stopped right in front of her.

"Just like every year. But this time we've got some helpers." Stating that, Nozomi saw Nico appearing behind them. The girl was struggling with another box.

"Nozomi! Is this supposed to be over there?" Not even recognizing the other six members, Nico slowly walked over to the group, eyes closed as she tried not to drop the box.

"Nico-chan!"

Hearing Rin's voice, Nico snapped out of it but accidentally dropped what she was carrying by surprise. She looked at them disbelievingly while Nozomi had to suppress her laughter.

"What? You here?" The raven haired girl picked the box up again, all the while watching her friends.

"Cute, nya!"

"You look exactly like a shrine maiden."

"Eh?" Took by surprise by Rin's and Umi's statement, Nico didn't know what to answer. "You think so?"

Suddenly, Maki, who wore a traditional yukata, was pushed forward by Rin. "You could be a traditional Japanese style unit together with Maki-chan, nya!"

The read head just blushed. "A unit?"

While Nico and Maki imagined themselves wearing some kind of traditional dress while holding a big fan in front of an traditional japanes castle, their blushes just increased.

"That's it." Honoka liked the idea instantly, looking determined.

"That's not it!" Maki exclaimed.

"Yeah! We are not working in a cabaret!" Nico agreed.

Right now, Nozomi tried really hard not to start laughing at her friends behaviour. But when Eri appeared to, she forgot about it. Every time the blonde would appear in front of her eyes, Nozomi would be in awe. And apparently she wasn't the only one thinking that Eri looked absolutely stunning.

"Guys." Eri greeted them while walking up to them.

"Eri-chan!" Honoka exclaimed while the rest was in awe.

Hanayo was the first one to comment on Eri's outfit. "So cool!"

"Isn't she just gorgeous?" With Umi being the second one.

"Eri-chan, take a picture with me, nya!"

"I can't. I'm busy right now." Apologizing to the her juniors, Eri turned back to Nozomi.

Nico on the other hand just stood there with a weird expression on her face that screamed 'Unfair'. After all, she was wearing the exact same outfit.

"Nozomi, hurry up." Remembering her best friend that they were supposed to be working, Eri walked towards Nozomi, followed by Nico.

The purple haired girl just nodded slightly and addressed the rest of Muse. "See you later, ok?"

The three of them walked further until they were able to see the crowed in front of the shrine. Just when Eri was about to start a conversation with Nozomi, she heard Arisa running towards them.

"Onee-chan!" Arisa jumped in Eri's arms and embraced her tightly before taking a step back to look up to her big sister, all the while having her arms around Eri's waist.

"Arisa. What did you wish for?" Eri asked out of curiosity.

With a huge smile and bright eyes, Arisa anwered. "I want to be accepted at Otonokizaka and become a part of Muse."

Eri was taken aback by her sister's answer and had to gather herself for a second before being able to force a smile that looked genuine. "Really?"

Arisa seemed to notice the discomfort and dropped her arms. She decided to not push the matter further and turned around. "Yukiho is waiting for me. I should go." With that, she ran back, leaving the three third years alone again.

The former light atmosphere became tense all of a sudden, all three of them being remembered of the inevitable again.

Nozomi was the first one to break the silence. "Maybe we should talk about the future with the others?" She looked at Eri and Nico.

"Right..." Closing her, Nico sighed.

Eri stayed silent. If Nico and Nozomi would look into her eyes right now, she was sure they would be able to see the struggle she had to fight internally. She looked straight ahead, but her gaze was unfocused. In a rush, everything she had tried to suppress the whole day came back. The insecurity, the doubt and above all the pain. The pain of losing what was dear to her.

She wasn't referring to Muse.

And with a glance to her left, Eri made sure that the one thing being dearest to her was still by her side.

* * *

It was still dark outside. Looking out of her window, Eri was able to see the few stars that didn't vanish under the bright lights of Tokyo.

She had returned a couple of hours ago, three maybe. She had said her goodbye's to Nico and Nozomi when they had parted in front of the shrine. She had walked in silence, her thoughts wandering in every possible direction. Most of them ended with her shaking her head to get rid of all the negative things they gathered along the way.

She hadn't been able to concentrate on her work entirely. Every now and then her gaze had lingered on Nozomi, resulting in this all too familiar pang in her chest.

Now she couldn't fall asleep and found herself in her room, lying on her bed underneath the stars, thinking about it over and over again.

She turned around and forced her eyes shut but to no avail. When she opened the again, she looked at the tiny piece of paper she had with her when she travelled back to Japan.

She took the paper and reread the lyrics she had thought of. Looking for a pen Eri rolled on her stomach and started writing again, hoping it would have the same effect like it had back in Russia.

 _With this clichéd sadness and clichéd pain,_

 _I barely hold back tears and watch the stars_

 _They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall_

 _As they quietly illuminate me..._

* * *

 **AN: That's chapter three for you. I apologize for the long wait, especially since the chapter's mostly about stuff that actually happend in the anime. But I felt like this scene was too important for this story to be left out AND it's like the prelude to the really sad stuff (Eri and Nozomi, I'm so sorry for doing this to you).**

 **NozoeliTrash: Oh my god, I still can't believe you favored my story (I love your story). Well... the kiss... maybe there will be a kiss, maybe not. There is just one thing I'm sure of: It won't happen anytime soon. And believe me, NozoEri kinda ruined any other ship outside of LL I had, because I started to compare those to NozoEri... So, that's that. '^^**

 **venz07: I feel sorry for you... I hate myself for what I am going to do and you just left your emotions in my hands... How about we depart with the train of despair together? xD**

 **everyone else: Thank you for following. Thank you a thousand times. It's the reviews, the favorites and the followers that keep me going. You're awesome.**

 **Until next time.**


	5. Sorrowful irony

"Muse is going to disband!?" Arisa stood in front of her sister, not believing what Eri just told her.

With the decision made, Eri had felt it was best to tell Arisa about it. After all, her little sister loved their group and she wanted to be the one to spill the news. This and she had known that Arisa wouldn't take it well despite the youngest Ayase knew that it would probably end like this.

"Yeah. The Love Live! is going to be our final performance." Eri confirmed while preparing dinner. "Our juniors decided it was the best... and it truly is."

Somehow, Eri was proud and glad. Proud that the first and second years not just discussed it. They had realized their own feelings, had talked about them, leading them to the decision they made at the end. Not all of them were able to do so that easily. But most of all, she was glad. Muse was not just a group of nine students. They were friends. And her juniors had made that very clear. Muse was theirs. It was something where nine entirely different individuals could be themselves and still accept each other without second thoughts. In the end, they were one.

"Well... at least Yukiho and I won't have to compete with them." Arisa giggled.

All Eri could do was to turn around from making dinner and looked at her sister in confusion. "Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean you two won't have to compete with them?"

Taking two plates from the shelves, Arisa walked over to the dining table. "We want to be school idols. So we are going to form our own group." She turned around and looked at Eri who stood there, mouth agape. "You're burning the food, Onee-chan."

Eri turned around and took the pan from the stove. She walked over to the table as well and the both of them settled down to eat.

"You know that it will be pretty hard?"

Arisa nodded.

"Idol practice and school? You're grades won't be forgiving."

"Mou, Onee-chan. I will be fine. I promise."

"I hope you will." Eri took a bite. "You having bad grades will backfire on me.", she mumbled, trying to imagine the scolding she would receive by their parents if Arisa would be bad at school under her guidance. She frowned.

"What's up?" Arisa noticed the change of her sisters expression.

"I just had to think of mom...and the speech she would give me if I let you slack off of school."

Tilting her head upwards, Arisa tried to grab the picture as well and also frowned once she saw it in front of her eyes. "Ok... one week without chocolate for each bad mark I get. That should keep me motivated."

"Are you sure? I won't back down if you're pleading for one piece of sweetness." Eri said teasingly.

Arisa just looked at her as if she remembered something. "Onee-chan?" She waited to continue until Eri looked at her. "Aren't we... forgetting something?" She motioned with her head onto the table in the living room.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Eri saw an envelope. "What if I try to forget about it?"

* * *

It was one of the days where Eri just wished for someone to cut of her head. A day where her thoughts would jump on an seemingly endless train of despair. In short: she studied with Nico and Nozomi for college entrance exams.

As if studying with materials of three whole years and graduation lingering like a shadow above her, leaving her unable to concentrate wasn't enough to drive her crazy, Nico had to ask this one question she was trying to avoid for months now and especially in the past couple of days.

"So... which college do you want to attend to?" Nico laid her pen down and looked at Eri and Nozomi.

"I don't know yet." Eri shrugged. "There are a lot of good choices and I wanted to look them up the next couple of days properly."

She hoped that no one noticed her discomfort. It was true, there were a lot of good colleges and with her grades she probably wouldn't have a problem with entering one of them. But Eri didn't plan to look them up. Not now.

"And here I thought dutiful Eri already decided." Nico mused. "What about you, Nozomi?"

The shrine maiden seemed uncomfortable, looking down on the table and avoiding eye-contact with any of them. "I would like to stay here in Tokyo, but..."

Eri needed to pinch herself in the leg to stop her from screaming for Nozomi not to continue. She had this feeling again. The feeling that this sentence wouldn't end well.

"...But there is a college in Osaka which specialized in spiritual studies. It would be perfect, you know?"

By now, Nozomi was desperately trying to avoid any kind of physical contact with Eri. She even turned her head in the opposite direction from the blonde, leaving Eri unable to see the purple heads face.

And Eri? She felt like someone just broke down the floor beneath her, making her fall deeper and deeper. She always hoped that Nozomi stayed in Tokyo. After all, that would have been the one thing keeping her in Tokyo as well. Arisa would manage just fine without her and wouldn't mind Eri being away as long as she was happy.

But with Osaka being the perfect opportunity for Nozomi to pursue what she always talked about, the spiritual stuff not just being her hobby, what could there possibly be to keep her in Tokyo?

"That means you could do what you always dreamed about, Nozomi." Eri didn't know why she said that the moment the words left her mouth. She slapped herself internally, not recognizing how Nozomi stiffened.

"Y-yeah. It sure... would be nice." Nozomi stood up. "Excuse me for... for a second. I need to... use the bathroom." And with this, she left, leaving Eri and Nico alone.

Nico looked at Eri with a frown.

"What?" The blonde asked confused.

"Oh my god... I can't believe it." Without further explanation, Nico continued her studies.

All the while, Eri was left with her own thoughts. Right now, they really would go separate ways after graduation. Nozomi being in Osaka and Eri... Well, it didn't matter how far apart they were, did it? Nozomi would do just fine. She would be able to study what she loved. Eventually she would find new friends, fall in love and be happy. And throughout the years, Eri would become a memory. Just like Nozomi would become a memory for Eri. Or that she hoped for.

The question now was, what to do with the little time they had left together? Eri knew that being close to Nozomi for as long as she could would make her utterly happy, but would make her suffer as well. She would know that there was this inevitable deadline ahead of them, making every second they spend with each other somehow meaningless. But it would grand them at least some wonderful things to think back to.

It was ironic, wasn't it? That what you desired most in the world could cause you the greatest pain existing. Eri would have laughed at that if it weren't for Nico being right in front of her and Nozomi returning.

With the hours passing by the three of them continued in silence. Neither uttered a word. Eri noticed that Nozomi's thoughts seemed to be far away. Her eyes were somehow dull and unfocused, her gaze somehow lingered on the sheet of paper in front of her while looking past it at the same time.

That was when Eri decided to be with Nozomi as long as she could bear to be.

What she didn't know at this point was, that her heart couldn't take that much and that this decision would make the both of them suffer far beyond any imagination.

* * *

 **AN:**

 **I'm sorry for the long wait. As I said on tumblr, I struggled with this update (damn you, writers block). But now it's done and I hope you're still with me.**

 **Next chapter everythings going to unfold. It's going to hurt, there will be tears... Sorry I'm not sorry.**

 **Until we shall meet again, friends.**


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